8.22.25 showing up

I know tommy hasn't been in a good place lately, so I showed up at his house late last night at 12pm. I know he's not sleeping. He's been staying up until 3am every night.

We walked around his neighborhood talking.

I'm trying.

Trying to show up for everyone- friends, family.

Showing up for everyone because I never showed up for you.

I'm just trying to be the best person I can- building a healthy a habit, learning to show up for others.

He's going to be okay, I know. I'll be okay too, I know. He commended me for how much I been showing up for Julie and Derick lately. Sure, I do what I can.

He used to be in a 7 year relationship. I asked him if I'll ever get over you.

He said yeah. I'm doing it the right way- better than him. He turned into a fuck boy.

I deleted all my dating profiles and apps, and just focused. On healthy habits. On me. On friends, family. On work. On being a good man.

how long left i ask him, cause i'm tired. i'm trying my best-everyday.

all these podcasts, books, therapy- everyday. they say keep my head up- i'm doing it right.

they say day by day- i find more of myself, find more love for myself - and i do.

and they say the more i love my self the less i'll love you. but i don't.

the more i learn what love is, the more i miss you.

so why. - i asked him

he looked at me and said at least a year, keep going.

sigh.

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well, seeing me so disciplined and focused, david is going back to school, tommy deleted all his social media and also waking up at 7am everyday to study. my grandma hears and see me everyday, my stepmom feels less lonely, i talk to her every few days, and many more impact. you're a catalyst to all my journey, you deserve credit too. thank you.

sigh.

one year.

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my brain is so weird.

sometimes it tortures me.

its september soon. i know you said you will see you parents in korea in october- i so wish i can too (obviously delusion, lol). i'm sure you're going to take him- lucky guy, really. he's going to meet your parents- they're going to love him, i'm sure.

and you said you're going to meet his parents in the Philippines. and i'm sure his parents are going to love you. my family loved you immediately. who wouldn't.

i'm happy for you but why does my brain make me cry.

ahh.

i'm happy for you. <3