7.29.25 sorry

ellen i remember.

i remember it all.

i remember it too late.

i now cry everyday. just like you. and it makes me cry harder knowing you felt like this just moments ago.

i know. i know what you're thinking.

you're reading these words and thinking,

"what the the fuck? he wants me back? does he not remember what he did?"

you see the videos and you think i must have forgot.

ellen, in my own twisted way, i always loved you.

ignoring you, saying mean words was how i knew to express it. it's wrong, very very wrong, but i did love you.

i loved you but it was cheap. i loved you but it was lazy. i loved you but it was mean. i loved you but it was heartless. thats what i subconsciously received when i was small and i see now how i projected that on you.

i know now its wrong, i know now what love should look like, what kind of love i am capable of.

"bullshit." is what you're thinking huh. lol i wish i can prove it to you.

"prove it to someone else, you're too late."

i know. you have always looked at me and said, you wished you met me a little later. i wish i knew what that meant.

that version of me has died. that relationship we had is dead. that pain will never happen again.

will you ever forgive me? will you ever look back and see the good parts too?

i hope you are eating well 🫶🏻