7.30.25 my last post.

I bought a ticket late last night to fly first thing in the morning at 7 am.

I flew to visit my stepmom, like i said i would.

i didn't tell her, or anyone actually. we were just talking about it the other day.

i'm just thinking, if i can, i should. if he wanted to he would...

i knew she was off today and she was so surprised. nobody visits her anymore, she had the biggest smile. she didn't think she would ever see me again-we weren't close, nor had much of a relationship.

i spent the afternoon just asking her about the pain my dad left her with. i know what kind of guy he is, i know what he does, but i want to hear her story. because her story matters too.

at one point they were in love... (when he was with my mom ☠️)

i asked her if she is mad. she said no, she always knew.

i told her she has every right to get mad.

i'm not sure what i'm doing. i caused you so much pain, who am i to help others heal? what kind of man am i?

she asked me what happened to my business.

i told her i learned i would rather have a small apartment with a happy family than a big empty house.

kind of like this situation she's in... a big empty house...

wouldn't you agree? i asked her.

she cried and she asked me to move in.

I again, as my father's son, apologizes profusely. i would never.

I can't fix the damage he has done, but i told her i'll call her more. i'll try to visit every few months...

---

i been asking strangers on the planes, passerbyers at the airport...

what's the secret to marriage?

emotions fall off, they say

effort.

dedication.

being in love still.

you know, for the longest time i thought Joseph's marriage was perfect- it looked perfect, they both still put in effort after 20+ years. at least that's what it looked like.

and then i saw your parents.

that's the love i want.

how your stepdad still texts your mom even when she's out having dinner, they seem inseparable.

i'm sure they still hold hands and look at the stars together.

when you asked me if i thought your mom was pretty, and you said you'd look like that when you get older

my heart melted. i just didn't know how to express it then.

---

i signed to be a CASA volunteer.

it's spending time with children in foster care-

But you're assigned a child for two years and become their legal protector, i have to show up in court and make educational decisions for them

The idea is foster children move around so much, they don't have a consistent adult in their life, and CASA volunteers are that one person for them

i will contact them daily, and spend physical time with them twice a month.

lots of training and approvals, but i know my former teacher history will get me past it all fine

i hope i can help at least one child from not becoming an avoidant later in their life, so they don't hurt someone like you

i know every ounce of love you have for me is gone.

i know you look at me with such a hate and pain.

i'm so sorry.

---

my aunt begged me to find my mom a few days ago. it seems like i'm the only one who gives a shit in this broken family. i'm the only person in the family that has everyone's phone numbers, and she knows that. nobody even talks to each other anymore.

she made me promise that i will find her, my mom.

i don't know.. if i have the strength to.

i wish you were with me, thinking of standing by your side gives me strength.

but i know. i know you're gone.

-----

this is my last post.

i know you reading this is not bringing you joy.

i won't burden you anymore.

i will continue sharing my journey on TikTok, it seems to be helping others heal too.

maybe one day i can help you heal.

thanks for listening best friend, i hope you're eating well 🫶🏻