7.14.25 dying

You are the first thought in my day, and the last. I miss you. I love you.

I spent a good portion of time this morning talking to John. He wants me to stop writing these posts, because I am a maniac talking to a wall. He wants me to move on.

But fuck, I refuse. I rather die a hopeless romantic. I told him, I'm not foolish enough to believe I will die alone, but there will always be a part of me that will always love you. And if there is a next partner, they will never get all of me.

How can they?

Tell me.

Tell me the odds of two jackpots on slots next to each other at the same time.

Tell me the odds of sharing the same fortune days apart, and miles away.

Tell me the odds of finding someone who would steal for you.

Tell me the odds of finding someone that can be your forever.

Tell me.

Tell me how I can ever move on.

I know I have said and done hurtful things that made me forever lose you.

I don't look only look back on the best parts of our lives, I also see the worst parts.

And that's why I cry.

Business doesn't matter, but I let it matter.

Friends don't matter, but I let it matter.

Our time away gave me clarity- clarity that is too late.

I miss and love you so much.

I would die for you.

But.

It's easy to die.

Most people would die for someone.

So, why don't people live for someone?

Why don't people be the best version of themselves, the most successful, the most ambitious, the most healthy for someone they love?

I would die for you, but I will live. Because it's harder, because you deserve it.

Even if you're not here to see it.

I cry for you.