7.10.25 truth

ah. you were right. i didn't grow yet- or at least much. i'm not ready.

i grew up without any parents and was never centered around any love nor saw examples of love. you can ask me what love is right now, i can't answer you.

we both talked about marriage so early, unhealthily. our insecurities of abandonment yearned for what we thought is the best solution. and i got scared. but we both have insecurities and worries when being with someone.

i worry for you, that you'll latch on someone else and fall into the same dark spiral as you did with me. maybe he'll be a better man than me, but it takes two to build a healthy relationship. i wish you were here to learn it with me. we can learn about healthy and security together.

you were right. i'm reading books about emotionally distant parents and how to grow out of being an avoidant attachment person.

wishing you well. miss you.