7.21.25 parallels

i still hold my breath when i see the stars. the night sky doesn't look as bright as it used to.

how can you used to love me so much and i be so not ready.

then how can i now love you so much but you moved on.

life's so mean. actually i'm so mean.

i can't accept the fact that we are not soulmates.

i told john this morning the only peace i find lately is telling myself.

some where, in some world, in a parallel universe, we are still together.

both ready, both doing and being all the things we said we'd do and become.

i find it easier to accept the fact that - that world, is not this one.

in addition to therapy, my books regarding deconstructing avoidant attachments came.

it's heavy, this week i called the adults in my past- not to blame, but to understand. spending time with my grandma and reliving the happy memories with her.

today was hard. extra hard.

monday. 1 pm. as a 31 year old man.

i cried on the phone to alex and spun a wheel.

but i'm not embarassed.

i hold my breathe, when i look up at the night sky. somewhere in some world, there's a version of us swinging in a hammock, looking at the same night sky.