7.17.25 child

Yesterday was a very emotional day.

But I had my first real therapy session after talking to her and it was eye opening.

He was describing to me how attachment styles are developed at such a young age and asked me about those young years.

I was explaining to him my asian culture and how it shut down my feelings.

My childhood which was so emotionally empty and lost.

Then he asked me, have i ever had a relationship with myself. do i know how to love myself.

And then it hit me. We were not healthy, for many reasons, but we both kept holding on. I held on because she loved me more than i loved myself. She used to look at me with the eyes where i am the king of the world. Now she looks at me with such hate and disgust.

It breaks my heart. But i understand it now. My therapist said I don't know how to love myself, so i don't know how to love my partner.

A million wishes of we meeting later or me exploring and learning earlier. I know your childhood was very hard too and shaped you. I want to heal with you.

🙂

I cry. I understand why you cried. Why you needed me. What i meant to you.

But now I take step's towards loving myself. For now, i am figuring out what that means.